Saturday, April 21, 2018

The Perfectly Imperfect Me



I log onto my Face book page and see a friend’s photographs that she has posted while on vacation to some place that looks great. My eyes stray to the comments section below.

“Such a beautiful couple…made for each other !” writes someone.
 “Aww..adorable children..such a perfect family !” writes another.
"Gosh, you guys have such a perfect life !" comments another.

I sit here and wonder..is there really such a thing as a perfect person or family ?

No, let me clear this, I do not feel any kind of jealousy or inferiority towards that friend, but I would never want to be called perfect. To label me as perfect would be to burden me with expectations that I would have to live up to. It would be saying that I am flawless and without any fault whatsoever. I have no wish to be put on a pedestal.

I refuse to believe that any person can be perfect. Everyone has some flaw or another. I am certainly not perfect nor do I aspire to be that. I have my flaws and my scars. I have my share of skeletons from the past and issues in the present, and who knows what the future holds in store for me ?

I have come across people who will go to any lengths to show their beautifully decorated perfect homes. They will post pictures of their vacations at exotic destinations. Those awesomely edited perfect poses. An image of an impeccable, perfect family and life. And yet, I am well aware of the insecurities, the internal struggles, and the pressure of living up to social expectations that they hide behind their “perfectness”.

I am not a perfect woman. I do not have a perfect life, family, home or career.

Instead of a pristine wonderfully decorated house, I would rather have a home that makes me feel comfortable, where I can put up my feet and curl on the sofa with my favorite book in hand. A house with an orderly chaos. A family that would laugh and yet argue and cry together. A life that would be blissful, joyous, and yet beautifully messy.

I do love looking good, what woman doesn’t ? but I would want to look good for myself, wear the clothes that I feel compliment my personality rather than what the latest fashion or trend is.

I would prefer to share my insecurities and vulnerabilities rather than keep them all buried and hidden inside to keep up with that perfectly happy look. I am happy with my flaws, my scars, my differences and my imperfections because they make me who I am, and make me unique in my own way.

I am not perfect but I am perfectly imperfect and I would not want to be any other way. This is the me I love and this is the me I would want the world to see.

Friday, March 23, 2018

The Witness



The moon is a witness
Of our love
And our denial  
       
       - Renu Vyas.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Appearances



I fake all my smiles 
As I stand tall and proud
Yet only I can know 
How alone I am in the crowd
My feelings hold no meaning
My voice is seldom heard
All my internal anguish 
Cannot be described in a word
I long to be accepted
And I yearn to just belong
Yet I remain that wrong note
In life’s beautiful song
But I refuse to be pitied
So I always laugh out loud
I fake it and I fake it
Till I make it in the crowd 

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Monday, December 11, 2017

The Widow



She is scorned and looked down at
Always disgraced and stigmatized
Treated as a worthless woman
Who failed to save her husband’s life

Never invited to religious events
And often shunned from social life
Her presence considered inauspicious
Isolated, with no one to hear her cries

She has so much to share and say
But her views are just not heard
So she stays a sad and lonely figure
And swallows back all her words

They treat her shabbily forever
And restrict and confine her life
All through this they calmly forget
That she is still very much alive

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Cassata Ice-cream and Memories

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Hubby: Let us order some ice-cream after dinner.

Son: Sure, Mom..What flavour should I order for you ?

I am about to say “cassata ice-cream” but then I stop and wonder..where did that name come up from ? do they even serve the cassata anymore ? I grab the menu card and take a look and with a pang I realize that the cassata is not even on the list. There are so many flavours listed, an assorted array of bewildering yet glamorous sounding names that I do not even understand. And so I finally end up muttering feebly “Vanilla or mango”…

But as I eat my ice-cream, my mind is flooded with my childhood memories and the emotions attached to them. Back in the 70’s and 80’s, the cassata was the most expensive ice-cream on the list and it was every child’s dream. The mere thought that we would have a cassata after the dinner at a restaurant (which in itself was a rare treat) would be the highlight of the evening.

The cassata ice-cream moments are as clear as yesterday in my mind. It is a memory indelibly etched to remain forever. I remember the huge servings of the three layers of the tutti-frutti, strawberry and vanilla sprinkled with assorted nuts, the shutting of my eyes as I felt the sweetness melt in my mouth….

Those were the times of a less complicated era and the simpler pleasures of life. Nostalgia..how it hits us when we least expect it..

Sunday, November 19, 2017

The Woman That Was

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Forgotten by all, lost and lonely
She became invisible and unseen
 People would look right through her
But not hear her silent screams

They talked to her, they passed her by
But failed to see her tears
They talked of all the comforts she had
Yet never noticed her fears

So she donned a mask that always smiled
And hid all that she really had been
She retreated deep down in herself
And the real “Her” was never again to be seen

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Wishful Thinking


Today I received 
Your letter
A letter that was 
Written for me
By me
Through you
A conversation
Between you
And I
That never was...
Schizophrenia 
Of thoughts 
 Jumbled to form 
In-coherent emotions 
In the form of words
But regardless
 It was still a letter
From you to me
Written for me
By me
Through you…

 © Copyright Renu Vyas

Saturday, November 11, 2017

My Silly Poem



Very, very long ago
And once upon a time
I wrote a silly poem
That had no rhythm or rhyme

The words were really silly
And made no sense at all
And whosoever heard it
Would either cry or bawl

They would all yell at me
And ask me to please stop
But I refused to believe
That my poem was a flop

I made many copies of it
And stuck them on pizzas and pies
But then no one would eat them
And they would attract just flies

So I read it to trees and flowers
And I read it to the skies
I read it to imps and fairies
Who I felt were more wise

They pondered and wondered
At what my poem meant
They had meetings over it
And many a weeks they spent

But since they never understood
They decided not to take stress
They accepted and awarded me
And declared my silly poem the best

  © Copyright Renu Vyas

This one is for my granddaughters Aayushi and Avni :)

Thursday, November 09, 2017

Where has the laughter gone ?



"Always find a reason to laugh. It may not add years to your life, but will surely add life to your years."

Please don’t be misled by the title of this post. I am not sad and neither have I lost my sense of humour. I still have my sense of humour intact, but I don't laugh out loud like I did years ago. There was a time when I laughed in pure unadulterated joy at the smallest of things but now I don't find things as funny as I once did.

In fact when I look around, I see that overall people don’t laugh so much anymore. It is not that we are depressed, well maybe sometimes we are, but most of the times it is just that we are so distracted and caught up in our chaotic everyday life trying to make ends meet, trying to beat deadlines, multitasking,  and living up to expectations that we do not notice the funnier side of life. We are never fully present in the moment.

Most of my phone conversations with my family happen with me working at the same time doing this or that.

Another reason could be that for something to be funny there has to be a surprise or unusual angle attached to it. Sadly most things do not surprise me now as I get older. There is a sense of “been there, done that”. It is not that I am becoming blasé but I just don’t find things that funny anymore.

When was the last time you really laughed ? and by laughed I mean that loud belly aching laugh..it seems it is missing from life these days. It is as if we are living without truly being alive.


Tuesday, November 07, 2017

Love Immortalized

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Instead of carving you
In wood or stone
I preserved your memories
In my heart 
And captured every aspect of you
In my poetry
Immortalizing you
Through my words

  © Copyright Renu Vyas

Sunday, November 05, 2017

Those Moments



Somewhere in between
Soft midnight conversations
Your cigarette breaths
And my coffee stains
I fell in love

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Paper Existence


I am all the words
That reside in my poetry
Come, embrace my paper existence 

© Copyright Renu Vyas
 
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