Sunday, May 28, 2017

कुछ सुन्दर यादें मेरे बचपन की ....

कुछ सुन्दर यादें मेरे बचपन की...

वो गर्मीयों की छुट्टियाँ। वो पानी छिड़क कर ठण्डी की हुई गर्म छत की सौंधी खुशबू, घर के सारे लोग और तारों की छाँव, वो रात का खाना छत पे खाना, खाने में मोगर रोटी और कैर के आचार का होना... खाटें लाइन में लगाना फिर देर रात तक फुसफुसा कर बातें करना। रेडियो पर हवा महल, बिनाका गीतमाला सुनना ।

वो गली के नुक्कड़ से चवन्नी का बर्फ लाकर शरबत बना कर पीना,
कोट पीस/चौकड़ी खेलना...किराये की साइकल को बारी बारी चलाना और वो साइकल की चेन का बार बार उतर जाना...

वो माँ/दादी का स्वेटर बुनते वक़्त पास बुला के नाप लेना, और दिवाली पे नए कपड़ो का आना..वो बड़े बुज़ुर्गों का पटाखों के हिस्से करना और वो एक एक पटाखे के लिए लड़ना झगड़ना ...

माँ का नारियल तेल को धूप में रखना और फिर सर में लगा के दो चोटी बनाना, बुआ का उस चोटी के लिए रंगीन रिबन लाना..

कुछ सुन्दर यादें मेरे बचपन की ....

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Happy Wedding Anniversary Dear Husband

Seeing your face first in the morning
And at the day's end, each night
Gives much warmth to my heart
And brings so much delight

You're my motivation and inspiration
And everything in between
You're the reason for my sun to shine
With you around I feel like a queen

You have not just been a husband
You've been my guide and friend
This beautiful life we share
I pray just never ends

You've supported me in all I wished
Without you I know not where I'd be
Your presence in my life
Completes and fulfills me

So thank you dear husband
For being my life's best part
I pray with all of my love
That we will never be apart

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Monday, May 01, 2017


Tick tock......tick tock…...
Ticks on my internal clock
Tick tock….tick tock……..
Nothing makes it stop

Tick tock…tick tock…
How annoying is the sound,
Tick tock…tick tock…
I wish time would turn around

Tick tock…tick tock…
Memories flash before my eyes
Tick tock…tick tock…
I wonder at how time flies   

Tick tock…tick tock…
It takes all my years and days
Tick tock…tick tock…
Hazy moments are all that stay

 Tick tock…tick tock…
Will I get to say a final goodbye
Tick tock…tick tock…
Or will I just fade away and die 

Tick tock…tick tock…
 I’ll remain a name in the past
Tick tock…tick tock…
A mere speck in a world so vast

Tick tock…..tick tock….
Ticks on my internal clock
Tick tock….tick tock…..
I just wish it would finally stop

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Finally In My Fifties !

I turned 50 recently. Somehow it felt like I had reached an unseen milestone in my life..and yet, I sit here and think, what actually did I achieve in all these years ?

I had a great many responsibilities bestowed upon me right from the age of 17.  I have no complains. I have had my share of happiness too but my role in life and the responsibilities that came with it had me grow up too fast, too soon. Being considered an adult at just 17 meant life was filled with commitments and responsibilities, and these demands often left me feeling weary and stressed out.

But now that I’m 50, I’m free of most of those responsibilities. My children are grown up and Hubby and I have a lot of time on our hands. I always used to think that being fifty would make me feel old and a lot of people DO tell me that I’m getting old, I certainly don’t feel it.

I feel fifty is a comfortable age to be in. It’s neither young nor old. Yes, I’m no longer young but then I’m also over those tiresome 20s 30s and 40s where one worries about one’s actions, appearance and presentation. 50s is the time where you become comfortable with what you really are. You stop trying to please others all the time. You can start living for yourself and do what you like, however childish, silly or stupid it may seem to another.

So what is it that I would love to do now that I’m 50 ? Oh nothing great like studying rocket science trust me ! Here is a list of all that I wish to do now.

Laugh out loud if I feel like it at every silly joke that I enjoy instead of that delicate soft smile/laugh that ladies are always expected to indulge in.

Be impulsive. If I feel like a pizza, ice-cream, samosa or any such thing I will eat one ! I will dress up the way I want and when I want ! (yes that includes wearing pink !) If I feel like singing a song sitting behind Hubby on his bike I will sing and not worry about those passing by ! A small jig when I hear a good news would be great too !

Talk nonsense. Yes well I’ve had my share of the so called intelligent conversations and polite small talks that bored me to death. I am entitled to talk nonsense. It can be fun (for me at least and that’s all that matters right now).

Maybe I will stop avoiding puddles on the road ? I always wanted to go splash in them so why not !

Eat out of the box or jar without anyone telling me its not proper.

Stamp my feet in anger when I don’t like something ! (I have always wanted to do that but just never got around to it yet).

Cant think of anything else for now. Anyone got any other ideas or suggestions ? Hehe :P

Saturday, January 28, 2017

What Is Your Fear ?

I am claustrophobic.

Claustrophobia is an anxiety disorder in which the sufferer has an irrational fear of having no escape or being closed-in. It frequently results in a panic attack and can be triggered by a lot of things.

It is not necessarily the small spaces that trigger the anxiety but the fear of what can happen to the person if confined to that area. Some things that trigger anxiety issues with me are:

Elevators, tunnels, basements or underground rooms and spaces, movie theatres, subway trains, hotel rooms with windows that do not open, public toilets and in some cases medical devices like MRI scanners etc.

It is not being in a small space that bothers me – it is being effectively trapped in that space that leaves me feeling breathless. I hate elevators. That terrifying moment between the elevator stopping and the doors opening feels like forever to me. I feel like I can't breathe when I am in an enclosed area. The fear of being enclosed or stuck up in any place with no easy escape triggers a panic attack in me. If I am in a room and there are too many people, I start to feel the beginnings of it. Crowded stores are one of the worst for me. I often have to step outside. Feeling held down or contained in any way triggers it instantly.

It is difficult for people without this affliction to even begin to understand this condition. There have been so many instances where I have been ridiculed when I take the stairs instead of the elevator or when I check the hotel room that I am to stay in for windows that open out to a balcony.

We all have a phobia or two in life. Some fear the water, others heights etc. but I feel we should be more tolerant towards those people.

What is your fear ?

Saturday, November 05, 2016


Life is like a puzzle. Sometimes it does not make sense and yet we are left with no other choice than to accept what it hands out to us gracefully, even when the pieces of the puzzle don’t fit.

Add to it the complexity of human relationships and you are left with an even bigger puzzle. I have realized that life seldom turns out the way we want it to. As I walked the path of life I learnt the hard truths that the world does not act as per my likes or dislikes, that no one is perfect, that life is not the bed of roses I grew up believing it was, that however much I may respect or love, it may not get reciprocated. I bear the scars and the pains.

And yet, life surprises me at times in the most beautiful ways possible. It makes me see and experience joy and beauty in the most unexpected of places. With age, I have learnt to accept my fate and stopped trying to change what is. No longer do I try to change the world and more importantly, I no longer try to change myself to please others.

I fully and completely accept myself and by doing so, I have gifted myself a beautiful emotional freedom. I am now able to connect the dots. The puzzles and confusions all start to make sense.

I revel in this new found state of acceptance and bliss.

ज़िन्दगी तेरे ग़म ने हमें रिश्ते नए समझाए 
मिले जो हमें धूप में मिले छाँव के ठंडे साए ...

(गुलज़ार )

Monday, September 26, 2016

रंजिश ही सही..

There are some songs that cause you to pause, listen intently and to embrace. These are the songs that bring a tear to your eye, not because of their sadness, but because of the strong emotional resonance they evoke. Ranjish Hi Sahi, written by Ahmed Faraz and sung by Mehdi Hassan is one such Ghazal.

Music rises above all, be it religion, beliefs or borders, as does our affection for it. Mehdi Hassan was a great musician par excellence. His voice had a wonderful quality, and a uniqueness of its own.The beauty of his Ghazals is that one never tires of them. In fact, the more I hear them, the more they cast this hypnotic spell over me.

Today, as I sit and hear his Ghazal, his magical voice enchants and intoxicates me... gliding effortlessly over my senses, as my heart stays spellbound…experiencing a myriad of emotions from this level to that, like a flower bud that unravels and unfolds gently, layer after layer into a bloom....

रंजिश ही सही दिल ही दुखाने के लिए आ
आ फिर से मुझे छोड़ के जाने के लिये आ

अब तक दिल-ए-खुशफ़हम को हैं तुझ से उम्मीदें
ये आखिरी शम्में भी बुझाने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

इक उम्र से हूँ लज्ज़त-ए-गिरया से भी महरूम
ऐ राहत-ए-जां मुझको रुलाने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

कुछ तो मेरे पिन्दार-ए-मोहब्बत का भरम रख
तू भी तो कभी मुझ को मनाने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

माना के मोहब्बत का छुपाना है मोहब्बत
चुपके से किसी रोज़ जताने के लिए आ
रंजिश ही सही...

जैसे तुम्हें आते हैं ना आने के बहाने
ऐसे ही किसी रोज़ न जाने के लिए आ
रंजिश ही सही...

पहले से मरासिम ना सही फिर भी कभी तो
रस्म-ओ-रहे दुनिया ही निभाने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

किस किस को बताएँगे जुदाई का सबब हम
तू मुझ से खफा है तो ज़माने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Simple Joys of Life

Early morning is my very own unique, calm time. Hubby and I are both early risers. For us, it is the time when we enjoy our first cup of tea while the world outside dozes.

This first cup of tea is made by hubby, always. For us, it is not just about making tea but it is a ritual. It is the best part of the day for us, the time when we get to spend a half hour of quality time together before the chaos of life takes over. This special time makes a difference and gives us both that positive kick we all need, to get through the day.

The whole process of making that first cup of tea, though it may seem a simple act to some, is awesome for us. That faint sound of the brewing tea, the freshly ground ginger that he adds to it, the heavenly smell, the warming of my hands on that cup, and finally the hot tea soothing my throat accompanied by soft quiet conversation is an experience in itself. And yes, there are times when we don’t need the conversations too. After 32 years of togetherness we are perfectly tuned to each other’s silence and comfortable with it. Just the joy of sharing that half hour together over tea is important for us.

For me, this first cup of tea is a time to reflect. It is a patience, a meditation and a celebration.

Friday, September 23, 2016

déjà vu

Sometimes we visit certain places we have never been to in our life, and yet we get this nagging feeling that we have been there before. We remember certain routes or turns, doors or windows or other details and it leaves us feeling anxious, nervous, uneasy or at times as if we belong there.

I think that perhaps once a person dies he or she is reborn as new person. God wipes out our memory so we know only of our present life. Sometimes I get such a strong sense of familiarity or déjà vu  that it makes me think that maybe it's a memory of a past life that God forgot to erase and it's seeping in through the cracks.

There have been certain places where the feeling of déjà vu overwhelmed me.  A sensation that this has happened before overpowered me in its realness. Though at the time I wasn't prepared to mull over any genuine philosophical or profound meanings, now I feel that maybe it wasn't just my brain playing games on me but my spirit or soul recalling from a past life.

Sometimes I wake up from sleep with a deep sense of longing. An obscure, undefined sense of longing. I find myself wishing I could go home, and an unknown sadness fills me knowing that I'm longing for a place that does not exist. But somehow I know it is real, it is where I belong, but where exactly is that home or place ? I already have a beautiful home be it my parents place or my hubby’s. I have had a wonderful childhood and a good life for which I am eternally grateful, and yet in my subconscious is that unknown place.

All my life I've felt as though there was something more, a bigger picture, something humanity just wasn't understanding. I wish we could dig up our past lives from the vast unexplored regions of our mind.

Simple Definition of déjà vu by Merriam-Webster
"The feeling that you have already experienced something that is actually happening for the first time, something that has happened many times before, something that is very familiar.
The illusion of remembering scenes and events when experienced for the first time, a feeling that one has seen or heard something before."

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The Agony of Saas Bahu Sagas

I know I have written about this before but I could not resist doing so again.

There was a time when one could turn on the TV and enjoy a good show like Waghle Ki Duniya, Malgudi Days, Nukkad and the likes, alas, people like Ekta Kapoor have ruined the fundamentals of TV viewing.

TV shows these days are so far away from reality. I have nothing against family dramas but at least there should be something one could relate to. They are so disconnected to reality. There are joint families living in houses so big they would put Ambani’s Antillia to shame. Moreover, most of these places are named “Shanti Niwas” and yet they are the least peaceful places on earth.

All the men are billionaires and yet one never sees them working (or taking any family decisions for that matter. That part is left entirely to ladies). The rare times they do go to office is to call a meeting and give power point presentations (yes trust me they will discuss ALL projects on PPTs). These successful businessmen can be duped easily by a rival in which case they lose all their money, property etc etc and with the help of their womenfolk regain them back eventually.

It is mandatory for either the mother-in-law or the daughter-in-law to be evil. If the mother-in-law is evil, her daughter, son-in-law, brother and sister will live with her and assist her in all the plotting. If the daughter-in-law is the villain then her mother, brother, sister etc. will live with her and do the same. I guess they have more rooms in their house than The Taj Hotel.

The lead characters will marry more than once and have children from more than one partner. The families will be deeply religious and light “diyas” morning and evening each day. If god forbid one day the diya extinguishes, the husband is hospitalised or will be no more. But one need not worry, eventually those who pass away do come back with a new face, a different height, weight, complexion and voice (I guess plastic surgery can do more wonders than I knew of). Of course, those who don’t die may suffer from amnesia or coma or some such medical condition. Bottom line is they DO comeback and NOONE really ever dies (beats The Walking Dead doesn't it ?).

When you are absolutely sure the show has covered it all and has nothing new to show, there will be a leap of 10-20 year. The characters will still look the same in appearance, and the only way to distinguish between the older and the younger generation will be the spectacles. Henceforth, the whole drama will begin all over again.

And lately, the “daayans”, the “pisaachinees”and the “nagins”have entered the whole saas-bahu saga. You have a lead female character turn into a fly, another fighting the “kaali shaktis”with taaveez, trishool, bhasms etc. and people visiting tantriks frequently for this or that.

I sit and wonder, where is the likeability factor in such shows ? I honestly don’t believe any person with a logical mind would want to see such stuff. These shows cater to people who cannot use their time effectively (yes I’m aware of the brickbats coming my way).

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

बाजरे के खेतों में...

रात कट जायेगी तो कैसे दिन बिताएंगे 
बाजरे के खेतों में कौवे उड़ायेंगे....

थोड़ी सी ज़मीं थोड़ा आसमां 
तिनकों का बस एक आशियाँ ....

Connecting with nature...bliss :)

Friday, September 02, 2016

Solitude and Silence

Sometimes, all the hustle and bustle of the world makes my head spin. The constant noise, people all around being part of the rat race to be at the top, the constant fear of others judging you or indulging in the niceties and etiquette set by the society.

It is at times like this when I like to slow everything down, shut everything off, and be alone with just my thoughts. I'm becoming a bit of a hermit lately. I love my solitude and I enjoy my own company. It is like living inside my head and I have to force myself to go outside.

It is not as if I do not enjoy company. I do. But I have never been very good at pretenses. I find it absurd when people adopt fake personalities and pretend to be who they are just to be liked or be appreciated more. How long can one keep up the pretense ? Sooner or later people will realize your truth.

And yes I am hopeless at small talk. I enjoy an honest intelligent conversation but I simply cannot make mindless small talk and it annoys me when I am forced to do so just because social customs dictate I should. Most people that I know are uncomfortable with silence. They need noise, or words to fill in the silence. The small talks, the random talks, the this-or-that-talks, they do not understand or appreciate the beauty of silence.

I feel that spending time with yourself in solitude, reflecting on all the things that really matter to you, enjoying your own company minus the noise, and the luxury of not being judged or defined by another is precious. It refreshes, nourishes and helps one's mental, physical and spiritual growth.