The last two years I had been somewhat homesick and longed to return to my roots. I had envisioned a future of peace, love, and harmony, but I guess that dream will remain a distant one for now.
I had always been an introvert, comfortable and secure in my shell like a turtle. I had an inclination to let my mind open rather than my mouth but people misunderstood my silence, assuming I was indifferent, cold, distant and unapproachable. To me silence is a universal language. The silence of an individual who is not speaking suggests emotions or reactions too profound for words. Silence is everything and nothing. Silence is misunderstood.
I had to make an effort to come out of my shell, breaking away the walls I had built around me. I made a conscious effort to interact with all, in the hope that I would be “accepted” which in turn would result in strong bonding with my near and dear ones, but life it seems had other plans. My opinions were taken as being rebellious, my assertiveness as arrogance, and my suggestions as lies.
Respect and love is a gift that people have to give freely and reciprocate. It is impossible to please everyone in life and I have learnt this the hard way. I realize that I have to stop explaining myself to people who have judged me harshly on the basis of a false reality that is completely invented.
I realize now that I was better off with my silence. Perhaps silence means defiance or detachment, or submission to those who dominate, I feel silence defines itself and a silent person can be everything and anything. Silence cannot be pictured, framed, measured, confined, or defined. My silence is a piece of open land, providing a place of unrestricted mental growth where I water my healthy thoughts and weed out the negativity before I indulge the spoken word.
Yes, I’m nostalgic for the past but I’m once again ready for a new beginning. It's time to leave behind the missing pieces, and rebuild from scratch, It’s a season of finding myself. I have a loving husband who completely understands my silence and I have my own convictions and thoughts to accompany me on this new path.
And if you want to walk with me, you may. I'd love the company. But do not expect me to become a pawn again in your brutal verbal power games.