Saturday, November 05, 2016


Life is like a puzzle. Sometimes it does not make sense and yet we are left with no other choice than to accept what it hands out to us gracefully, even when the pieces of the puzzle don’t fit.

Add to it the complexity of human relationships and you are left with an even bigger puzzle. I have realized that life seldom turns out the way we want it to. As I walked the path of life I learnt the hard truths that the world does not act as per my likes or dislikes, that no one is perfect, that life is not the bed of roses I grew up believing it was, that however much I may respect or love, it may not get reciprocated. I bear the scars and the pains.

And yet, life surprises me at times in the most beautiful ways possible. It makes me see and experience joy and beauty in the most unexpected of places. With age, I have learnt to accept my fate and stopped trying to change what is. No longer do I try to change the world and more importantly, I no longer try to change myself to please others.

I fully and completely accept myself and by doing so, I have gifted myself a beautiful emotional freedom. I am now able to connect the dots. The puzzles and confusions all start to make sense.

I revel in this new found state of acceptance and bliss.

ज़िन्दगी तेरे ग़म ने हमें रिश्ते नए समझाए 
मिले जो हमें धूप में मिले छाँव के ठंडे साए ...

(गुलज़ार )

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Broken Woman

Fate is but 
A fictional concept
And I
Merely a character
In a predestined story
A slave
To society’s rules
That slowly
And systematically
Breaks down
Day by day
My individuality
And spirit
And I
Tired of the fight
To break free 
With a numb mind
And battered heart
 And embrace
The chains quietly…
One more win
One more soul
At the alter
Of the society

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Monday, September 26, 2016

रंजिश ही सही..

There are some songs that cause you to pause, listen intently and to embrace. These are the songs that bring a tear to your eye, not because of their sadness, but because of the strong emotional resonance they evoke. Ranjish Hi Sahi, written by Ahmed Faraz and sung by Mehdi Hassan is one such Ghazal.

Music rises above all, be it religion, beliefs or borders, as does our affection for it. Mehdi Hassan was a great musician par excellence. His voice had a wonderful quality, and a uniqueness of its own.The beauty of his Ghazals is that one never tires of them. In fact, the more I hear them, the more they cast this hypnotic spell over me.

Today, as I sit and hear his Ghazal, his magical voice enchants and intoxicates me... gliding effortlessly over my senses, as my heart stays spellbound…experiencing a myriad of emotions from this level to that, like a flower bud that unravels and unfolds gently, layer after layer into a bloom....

रंजिश ही सही दिल ही दुखाने के लिए आ
आ फिर से मुझे छोड़ के जाने के लिये आ

अब तक दिल-ए-खुशफ़हम को हैं तुझ से उम्मीदें
ये आखिरी शम्में भी बुझाने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

इक उम्र से हूँ लज्ज़त-ए-गिरया से भी महरूम
ऐ राहत-ए-जां मुझको रुलाने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

कुछ तो मेरे पिन्दार-ए-मोहब्बत का भरम रख
तू भी तो कभी मुझ को मनाने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

माना के मोहब्बत का छुपाना है मोहब्बत
चुपके से किसी रोज़ जताने के लिए आ
रंजिश ही सही...

जैसे तुम्हें आते हैं ना आने के बहाने
ऐसे ही किसी रोज़ न जाने के लिए आ
रंजिश ही सही...

पहले से मरासिम ना सही फिर भी कभी तो
रस्म-ओ-रहे दुनिया ही निभाने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

किस किस को बताएँगे जुदाई का सबब हम
तू मुझ से खफा है तो ज़माने के लिये आ
रंजिश ही सही...

Sunday, September 25, 2016

Simple Joys of Life

Early morning is my very own unique, calm time. Hubby and I are both early risers. For us, it is the time when we enjoy our first cup of tea while the world outside dozes.

This first cup of tea is made by hubby, always. For us, it is not just about making tea but it is a ritual. It is the best part of the day for us, the time when we get to spend a half hour of quality time together before the chaos of life takes over. This special time makes a difference and gives us both that positive kick we all need, to get through the day.

The whole process of making that first cup of tea, though it may seem a simple act to some, is awesome for us. That faint sound of the brewing tea, the freshly ground ginger that he adds to it, the heavenly smell, the warming of my hands on that cup, and finally the hot tea soothing my throat accompanied by soft quiet conversation is an experience in itself. And yes, there are times when we don’t need the conversations too. After 32 years of togetherness we are perfectly tuned to each other’s silence and comfortable with it. Just the joy of sharing that half hour together over tea is important for us.

For me, this first cup of tea is a time to reflect. It is a patience, a meditation and a celebration.

Friday, September 23, 2016

déjà vu

Sometimes we visit certain places we have never been to in our life, and yet we get this nagging feeling that we have been there before. We remember certain routes or turns, doors or windows or other details and it leaves us feeling anxious, nervous, uneasy or at times as if we belong there.

I think that perhaps once a person dies he or she is reborn as new person. God wipes out our memory so we know only of our present life. Sometimes I get such a strong sense of familiarity or déjà vu  that it makes me think that maybe it's a memory of a past life that God forgot to erase and it's seeping in through the cracks.

There have been certain places where the feeling of déjà vu overwhelmed me.  A sensation that this has happened before overpowered me in its realness. Though at the time I wasn't prepared to mull over any genuine philosophical or profound meanings, now I feel that maybe it wasn't just my brain playing games on me but my spirit or soul recalling from a past life.

Sometimes I wake up from sleep with a deep sense of longing. An obscure, undefined sense of longing. I find myself wishing I could go home, and an unknown sadness fills me knowing that I'm longing for a place that does not exist. But somehow I know it is real, it is where I belong, but where exactly is that home or place ? I already have a beautiful home be it my parents place or my hubby’s. I have had a wonderful childhood and a good life for which I am eternally grateful, and yet in my subconscious is that unknown place.

All my life I've felt as though there was something more, a bigger picture, something humanity just wasn't understanding. I wish we could dig up our past lives from the vast unexplored regions of our mind.

Simple Definition of déjà vu by Merriam-Webster
"The feeling that you have already experienced something that is actually happening for the first time, something that has happened many times before, something that is very familiar.
The illusion of remembering scenes and events when experienced for the first time, a feeling that one has seen or heard something before."

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

The Agony of Saas Bahu Sagas

I know I have written about this before but I could not resist doing so again.

There was a time when one could turn on the TV and enjoy a good show like Waghle Ki Duniya, Malgudi Days, Nukkad and the likes, alas, people like Ekta Kapoor have ruined the fundamentals of TV viewing.

TV shows these days are so far away from reality. I have nothing against family dramas but at least there should be something one could relate to. They are so disconnected to reality. There are joint families living in houses so big they would put Ambani’s Antillia to shame. Moreover, most of these places are named “Shanti Niwas” and yet they are the least peaceful places on earth.

All the men are billionaires and yet one never sees them working (or taking any family decisions for that matter. That part is left entirely to ladies). The rare times they do go to office is to call a meeting and give power point presentations (yes trust me they will discuss ALL projects on PPTs). These successful businessmen can be duped easily by a rival in which case they lose all their money, property etc etc and with the help of their womenfolk regain them back eventually.

It is mandatory for either the mother-in-law or the daughter-in-law to be evil. If the mother-in-law is evil, her daughter, son-in-law, brother and sister will live with her and assist her in all the plotting. If the daughter-in-law is the villain then her mother, brother, sister etc. will live with her and do the same. I guess they have more rooms in their house than The Taj Hotel.

The lead characters will marry more than once and have children from more than one partner. The families will be deeply religious and light “diyas” morning and evening each day. If god forbid one day the diya extinguishes, the husband is hospitalised or will be no more. But one need not worry, eventually those who pass away do come back with a new face, a different height, weight, complexion and voice (I guess plastic surgery can do more wonders than I knew of). Of course, those who don’t die may suffer from amnesia or coma or some such medical condition. Bottom line is they DO comeback and NOONE really ever dies (beats The Walking Dead doesn't it ?).

When you are absolutely sure the show has covered it all and has nothing new to show, there will be a leap of 10-20 year. The characters will still look the same in appearance, and the only way to distinguish between the older and the younger generation will be the spectacles. Henceforth, the whole drama will begin all over again.

And lately, the “daayans”, the “pisaachinees”and the “nagins”have entered the whole saas-bahu saga. You have a lead female character turn into a fly, another fighting the “kaali shaktis”with taaveez, trishool, bhasms etc. and people visiting tantriks frequently for this or that.

I sit and wonder, where is the likeability factor in such shows ? I honestly don’t believe any person with a logical mind would want to see such stuff. These shows cater to people who cannot use their time effectively (yes I’m aware of the brickbats coming my way).

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Spider Webs

Are like spider webs
Delicate, fine strands
All interlinked…
For every strand
You break away
A few more remain
Linking to the part
You are out to destroy…
Never to be erased
They remain hidden
Like a spider web
That hangs
In a forgotten corner
Of your mind and heart
Waiting patiently
To be called forth
Or to come out
In the form of 
A flood of emotions
Unleashed, unexpectedly
On an unsuspecting
Heart and soul

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Monday, September 19, 2016


Frozen winter nights
Warming my hands
Memories burnt

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Eternal Love

Caressing tenderly, lovingly

He shares the highlights of his day

Sitting by his wife’s grave

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

बाजरे के खेतों में...

रात कट जायेगी तो कैसे दिन बिताएंगे 
बाजरे के खेतों में कौवे उड़ायेंगे....

थोड़ी सी ज़मीं थोड़ा आसमां 
तिनकों का बस एक आशियाँ ....

Connecting with nature...bliss :)

Monday, September 05, 2016


Stories and books
Are like passages and doors
That take me to places
I have never been before

Each one makes me wonder
What adventure in it awaits
Between the two covers
I step through its golden gates 

Some characters along the way
Become my new friends
I travel with them
On different paths and bends

 Some of them captivate me
With their rhythm and rhyme
They make me experience
Wonderful magical times

Some make my heart heavy
And bring tears to my eyes
And yet they teach a lesson
That makes me more wise

As I travel through the pages
There is so much that I find
Beautiful worlds and places
And people of all kinds

In between the two covers
 I often curl up and hide
As I journey to exotic lands
Far out and wide

To some people a book maybe
Just pages and nothing grand
But to me it always is
That very special friend

So stories and books
Are like passages and doors
That take me to places
I have never been before

© Copyright Renu Vyas

Friday, September 02, 2016

Solitude and Silence

Sometimes, all the hustle and bustle of the world makes my head spin. The constant noise, people all around being part of the rat race to be at the top, the constant fear of others judging you or indulging in the niceties and etiquette set by the society.

It is at times like this when I like to slow everything down, shut everything off, and be alone with just my thoughts. I'm becoming a bit of a hermit lately. I love my solitude and I enjoy my own company. It is like living inside my head and I have to force myself to go outside.

It is not as if I do not enjoy company. I do. But I have never been very good at pretenses. I find it absurd when people adopt fake personalities and pretend to be who they are just to be liked or be appreciated more. How long can one keep up the pretense ? Sooner or later people will realize your truth.

And yes I am hopeless at small talk. I enjoy an honest intelligent conversation but I simply cannot make mindless small talk and it annoys me when I am forced to do so just because social customs dictate I should. Most people that I know are uncomfortable with silence. They need noise, or words to fill in the silence. The small talks, the random talks, the this-or-that-talks, they do not understand or appreciate the beauty of silence.

I feel that spending time with yourself in solitude, reflecting on all the things that really matter to you, enjoying your own company minus the noise, and the luxury of not being judged or defined by another is precious. It refreshes, nourishes and helps one's mental, physical and spiritual growth.

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Dhoondoge Agar Mulkon Mulkon

Dhoondo Ge Agar Mulkon Mulkon. A beautiful Ghazal by Shaad Azeemabadi and sung by Abida Parveen. The words leave me speechless every time I hear it. The more I listen to this piece of art the more I fall in love with it. I am not sure whether this song can be categorized as a Sufi Song or a Ghazal, but there is no doubt in my mind about the Spirituality in the Song and the Lyrics.

It is the call of a lover to his beloved to join him, and eventually, the acceptance of a life without the loved one... and yet, he rejoices his love even in this estrangement. To be in such a state of mind is to experience the ultimate and purest state of love.

"Hum Mein Hain Dil-E-Betaab Nihan....Yah Aap Dil-E-Betaab Hain Hum"
Is a restless heart embeddded inside me or am I the restless heart itself..?

"Lakhon Hi Musafir Chalte Hain...Manzil tak pohunchte Hain Do Ik"
Millions of travelers walk this path..only a handful reach their destinations..

Aa Jao Jo Tum Ko Aana Ho....Aise Mein Abhi Shadaab Hain Hum"
Join me if you wish to.. I am in bliss and in peace with myself and one with the universe..

Each line a gem..posting the complete lyrics below for those who are interested :)

Dhoondo Ge Agar Mulkon Mulkon
Milne Ke Nahin Nayaab Hain Hum
Tabeer Hai Jiski Hasrat-0-Gham
Aye Humnafaso Woh Khwaab Hain Hum

Aye Dard Bata Kuch Tu Hi Pata
Ab Tak Yeh Mu’ammya Hal Na Hua
Hum Mein Hain Dil-E-Betaab Nihan
Ya Aap Dil-E-Betaab Hain Hum

Main Hairat-O-Hasrat Ka Maara
Khamosh Khada Hoon Sahil Par
Dariya-E-Mohabbat Kehta Hai
“Aa Kuch Bhi Nahin Payaab Hain Hum”

Lakhon Hi Musafir Chalte Hain
Manzil tak pohunchte Hain Do Ik
Aye Ahl-E-Zamana Qadr Karo
Nayaab Na Hon Kamyaab Hain Hum

Murghan-E-Qafas Ko Phoolon Ne
Aye Shaad Ye Kahla Bheja Hai
Aa Jao Jo Tum Ko Aana Ho
Aise Mein Abhi Shadaab Hain Hum

Friday, March 04, 2016

Laiyan Laiyan Mein Tere Naal Dholna

There are moments when we hear a song and it touches our heart. Laiyan laiyan song sung by Rizwan Anwar is one such song. The simplicity of the lyrics,  the soft soothing music, and the way the singer has sung it is all so beautiful.

The music does something to the heart, brings up emotions in an intense and beautiful way. It is filled with that sweet kind of longing that we all need to feel once in a while..

Laiyan laiyaaan main tere naal dholna
 Ik dil si ve rea mere kol na
Ve main lutti gayi

Dholna ve main lutti gayi
 Sadran de boohe ve main tere layi khole
Howin na tu kadi hun akhian to ohle
Tere naal tarna , tere naal dubna
Tere naal jeena , tere naal marna
Pyar mera tu takri ch tol na
 Ik dil c reha , mere kol na
Ve main lutti gayi
Dholna ve main lutti gayi

Thursday, February 04, 2016

Off-season Memories

Old memories resurface
Like beautiful flowers
That blossom off-season

© Copyright Renu Vyas