Sometimes, all the hustle and bustle of the world makes my head spin. The constant noise, people all around being part of the rat race to be at the top, the constant fear of others judging you or indulging in the niceties and etiquette set by the society.
It is at times like this when I like to slow everything down, shut everything off, and be alone with just my thoughts. I'm becoming a bit of a hermit lately. I love my solitude and I enjoy my own company. It is like living inside my head and I have to force myself to go outside.
It is not as if I do not enjoy company. I do. But I have never been very good at pretenses. I find it absurd when people adopt fake personalities and pretend to be who they are just to be liked or be appreciated more. How long can one keep up the pretense ? Sooner or later people will realize your truth.
And yes I am hopeless at small talk. I enjoy an honest intelligent conversation but I simply cannot make mindless small talk and it annoys me when I am forced to do so just because social customs dictate I should. Most people that I know are uncomfortable with silence. They need noise, or words to fill in the silence. The small talks, the random talks, the this-or-that-talks, they do not understand or appreciate the beauty of silence.
I feel that spending time with yourself in solitude, reflecting on all the things that really matter to you, enjoying your own company minus the noise, and the luxury of not being judged or defined by another is precious. It refreshes, nourishes and helps one's mental, physical and spiritual growth.